The "Swim Lessons" of Life

Everyone knows if you throw a dog in water, it's part of their instincts to start paddling. If it isn't, well then, don't throw them in the water again because they'll probably drown. There are dogs that just aren't swimmers, that's all.

Growing up in a large family in the 60's, we used that same simple logic on everything. Needless to say, we all learned to swim. I learned from watching and listening to what other swimmers were saying, and besides, it felt awful to snort and cough water out of my nose. There was my ego too, of course. Being the last of six kids, I was under some major pressure to prove I could do what they could do.

Those were real swimming lessons. That style of learning set the stage for many other lessons too. Like knowing you'll get blackmailed if you tell on your brother who tricked you into burning your fingers off, for example.

No matter what the issue was, the true nature of cause and effect always came to the forefront; there was no escaping the consequences. It boiled down to simply choosing which consequence you could live with.

When I became a parent myself, working all sorts of long hours, and keeping up with the daily chores, I found myself relying on that same simple logic to spill over onto my children.

So, as often as I could, I took them to the lake, river, and city pools every summer. Of course, I didn't join them in the water all that much because I didn't like how I looked in a bathing suit, and at the time, I smoked too much. Regardless,  I still felt like I was doing the right thing by providing them with the opportunity to swim.

Fast forward...

My daughter-in-law (who was on a school swim team) informed me, quite frankly, that my son can't swim.

My mind went into a panic (Oh my God! Wow! How did that happen....? I thought I set the stage for him...how did I not know that?)

In my bewilderment, I responded slowly, saying that I guess he must not have wanted to swim very badly or he probably would have figured it out.

Well, needless to say, I fell from grace (assuming I ever had any with her to begin with) and my poor neglected son...well...how could I have done that to him?

I seriously felt bad, questioning and doubting my abilities as a parent. My lack of knowing that my own son couldn't swim, certainly had to be grounds to prove me as an unworthy and inferior mother. (Especially since I was raised Catholic, the remorse was difficult to bear). I struggled deeply with it.

A month later, I read on Face Book where my daughter-in-law posted that my son "never stood a chance" because I never gave him swim lessons. (Uh oh.. now the world knows...) She publicly "told on me".

...But wait!

Wait just a minute...I did too give him swim lessons! I gave him the same lessons I was given and they worked for me, and all of the kids I knew. I didn't know people gave formal swim lessons back then, (for crying out loud) any more than I figured you needed to teach a dog to swim.

I've since absolved myself of that awful guilt, and actually I feel deeply grateful. If my daughter-in-law wants to teach my son how to swim, I think that's really cool. I believe he will love it (as I thought he already had) and all will be remedied.

Either way, the old saying "sink or swim" became popular for a reason...

It's always been and always will be, one of the best lessons I have ever had.